Work Poem 9/7/10

A little bit of background... I worked on two consecutive days, shifts of 12+ hours each. I wrote this yesterday, the third consecutive day, at the beginning of a 14 hour shift. I was just asking for help because I was tired.


Lord give me strength
To make it through the day,
Lord, I need you by my side
Cuz it's the only way.

Exhausted, tired and weary
I come to the fountain to drink,
Renew me Lord and give me rest
Because I am on the brink.

You are great, mighty and glorious
You're worth more than i could give,
Your grace, your love, your mercy
Is what I need to live.

Give me joy, peace, and patience
A passion, a burning flame,
Change my heart and make me new
So I can spread your name.

A New Paradigm for Boasting

Jeremiah 9:23-24 says, “This is what the LORD says: ‘Let not the wise man boast about his wisdom, Let not the strong man boast about his strength, Let not the rich man boast about his riches. But let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice, and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,’ declares the LORD.”

I’ve been thinking about this verse ever since I came across it the other day. It is so confronting at times. In this fast-paced and achievement centered culture that we live in we always boast in ourselves and what we have or what we have done. We care about the things the world cares about. How smart or wise we are, how strong we are, how much money we make, how much education we complete and how many awards we can win. However, God desires us to boast about one thing. The we understand and know Him completely.

To be honest, knowing God is not easy. God is so big. There is so much of God that our amazingly constructed brains cannot even understand. To know and understand God completely would be the biggest achievement anyone in the world could ever make. Right now, I know that God loves me, and He loves you, and He is pursuing us relentlessly, just like He did the Israelites that Jeremiah delivered these words from God to. He is calling us to turn from the ways of this world and to follow Him. To know Him. To understand Him. To love Him. To boast about understanding and knowing Him. To call him LORD. To see his kindness, justice, and righteousness here on earth and to dispense it to the rest of the lost world as His ambassadors.

I could go on and on with this, but all I’m trying to say is, the biggest achievement anyone could ever make in this world is not becoming the MVP of the NBA or getting a Doctorate Degree, but it is to know and understand Him. So why are we wasting our time with all this other stuff?

P.S. I think if we all put our hearts into it, there would be a lot of people that have made the biggest achievement ever. What would the world look like then?

Uh Oh... Oh No!!!!!!

Guys, there's a big problem... I don't know how it came about. I've been noticing it in my life the past few days. It kinda snuck up on me.

I really don't know what to do except get it out in the open.

The water in my toilet is coming out purple when I flush it. Is something wrong? Please help!

Deja Vu Dreams

So I've been thinking a lot lately. I have dreams a lot. In these dreams I see little clips playing of someone saying something to me or doing something. Then, randomly, they will actually happen in real life and sometimes months later. I've wondered a lot what they mean... if God is trying to say something to me... how I should react to them... if I should try and respond exactly the same way they happened in my dreams...

I had talked a bit about these happenings with some people. One friend named Natalie offered the thought, "Maybe Jesus is trying to tell you that He speaks to you." Maybe Jesus is trying to tell me that. I know that He does, and that He loves me. I guess that leading up to graduation and thereafter I questioned whether I should stay in Redding, or if God had something greater for me to do in another place. I almost feel as if God has been leading me through these dreams. Telling me that I'm exactly where I should be, because I question. I've been having these sorts of dreams for the past four years, and they have become more frequent in the past 4 months or so.

A few weeks ago, before I even met my supervisor, I had a dream of him telling me that he would rather tell me strait up what his expectations were instead of beating around the bush and having hidden expectations that I would have to figure out. Last night, it happened exactly as I remember from my dream.

This has been amazing to me. As God leads me in this journey, I hope to remain faithful to the life He has called me to live. It is comforting to know that I am exactly where He wants me to be.

Best Summer in Redding... so far.

You know, I've stayed in Redding for two out of three summers while I was at Simpson University. They were fun and exciting, but neither compares to this summer. Being free from campus, having my own car, community, extravaganzas, close friends, trips to the lake, stars, late-evening strolls, tons of awesome girls to hang out with, a new job, etc. I can't even put words to the rest of the awesomeness that has become this summer.

This has definitely been the best summer in Redding... by far.

While we were at the lake last night, Melissa Hart 2 asked me if I was glad I chose to stay in Redding after graduation. My answer... a big fat "YES!!!" It has been awesome to see God's provision in my life since choosing to stay, confirming in me that this is definitely where God wants me at this moment in my life. He is stirring things up inside me, deepening my relationships with friends, telling me He loves me, and calling things out of me. I'm glad I stayed, because these things might not have happened had I chose to live underneath my parent's roof. Thank You Jesus!

The Impossible

I have always been interested in seeing God heal people because I have heard the stories, but have only seen a few, including one guy with a broken leg be completely healed to the point where he took of his cast and jumped up and down on it for 10 minutes without any pain. Why don’t I see them more often? Should the sight of healing be normal every-day life? When I pray for healing, how come I don’t always see it happen?

Last night, Dan Lance (a pastor from a local church) was speaking about Jesus’ every day life of seeing people healed and commanding demons to come out of people and announcing the coming of the Kingdom of God (Luke 4). This is amazing, because in Luke 9 and 10, Jesus sends out disciples with power and authority to heal the sick, to drive out demons, and to proclaim the Kingdom. This means us. You. Me. We have the power and authority to do these things.

Dan talked about how Jesus is the spokesperson for heaven who is here on earth that is seeing things that do not belong in God’s Kingdom (sickness, pain, suffering, demons, etc.) and rebukes them to leave. God has given us the Holy Spirit and the power and authority to do the same things. Jesus himself said those who have faith in Him would do the same things as He, but also that we would see greater things happen (John 14:12). However, in order to see these greater things, I need to be praying for the sick. Laying my hands on them. Being faithful in small things the Holy Spirit prompts me to do. Stepping out in faith. Walking in power and authority. Then I will see people healed.

It is God’s heart for all people to be healed, restored, regenerated, renewed. This is where the impossible comes in. During the response and worship time, Nate called out those who were desiring the see the impossible happen. Those who wanted to ask God for faith to believe Him for the impossible. That’s me. I am going to be working with kids who have PTSD, ADHD, mental retardation, anger, depression, anxiety, among many other things. I am believing God for the impossible for these kids. These kids are not the only place I want to see the impossible happen. I want to see it happen in myself, my roommates, my family, my friends, my apartment complex, my city, my state, my nation, and this world.

I feel God is giving me a new passion for His Kingdom.

Lord, may Your Kingdom come here upon the earth as in Heaven. May You give me faith to believe You for the impossible. May I be faithful in the small things so that I may be trusted with more. You are so loving and gracious. I can’t believe I get to be a part of this! Amen.

Stand Up

So I had been struggling lately. Most people probably wouldn't know it because I don't seem any different. I have been searching for some sort of joy lately. Something had been missing. I was comparing myself to others who are always so joyful. My mom told me a few months ago, "James, you sure don't smile as much as you used to." Maybe that was because I was ruined by the shame and sin in my life and I hated who I was.

As many people know, I recently got a job with Victor Youth Services as a Residential Counselor in a group home. I had a job-shadow shift last Wednesday and I was sick, tired, and joyless. I couldn't muster much of a smile on my face. I met with the house's supervisor, and I think that through him, God woke me up. Phil, the supervisor, confronted me about how the day went, saying that I needed to look at myself and find some way to improve. He noticed that I couldn't smile, that I was having a hard time. It was tough to sit through, and it intimidated me. I now realize that God was speaking to me through him. Begging me to run to Him for help.

Over and over lately, I've been hearing this message that God loves me. His Love is here. His Love is now. It took me till yesterday to press into God about this situation and how ruined I had felt for a while. I had been trying to be faithful in my relationship with God, but I wasn't listening to what God wanted for me. So yesterday, as I was sitting there in fear of my next job-shadow later that day at the same house, I was crying out to God. I was asking him for help. Asking Him to release joy on my life. His perfect love casts out all fears. I ended up laying down, my face buried in the carpet of my apartment living room, with my palms upwards as if to receive something. My heart was positioned toward Him. "Stand Up!" I questioned this word in my heart, and then did just that as I realized God was telling me to stand up. As I stood up, I waited for God to tell me something else. But that was all I needed to hear apparently as I stood there awkwardly in the middle of the room silent. God loves me. As I was laying there in desperation, embarrassed and ashamed, God took pride in his child and told me to stand up. He gave me dignity and showed me He was listening with those simple words.

A few minutes later, as I was thinking about the word Joy, God directed me to John 15. His Word is alive and new each day. Jesus loves me as much as the Father loves Him. He loves me. He told me this so that His JOY would be in me, and so that it would be COMPLETE! Suddenly, the realization was now more focused on God's love for me. Boy does he love me. That brings joy to my heart. Fear is gone. My face lit up. I know this isn't going to be a short process, but God loves me and is continually shaping me into the man I am to be. He is calling me to stand up and accept His love and joy. His joy is my strength. He is my light. I am standing up as His Child, as His son, as His beloved. His joy is in me, and is being made complete.

The Graduated Life... One of Many to Come.

It has been so encouraging and reassuring to see God’s provision for myself and my roommates so far. We have been living on our own, after graduating college for nearly 3 weeks now, and I have seen God providing for us almost daily. Matthew has been blessed with two jobs at Sears and Pac Sun, Blong has been growing a ton as he has been preparing to send out the missions teams, John has been blessed with an amazing job working with mentally handicapped adults, we have been given tons of free stuff to make living more comfortable (couches, mattresses, dishes, utensils, food, etc.), and I have been blessed with an opportunity to work with abused and potentially assaultive teens in a group home setting as a counselor. I basically have the job, I just have to pass a few things, which I’m not to worried about, and then I start training. With all of these kinds of things happening, it is hard to look at our lives without noticing how God has had his hand over our lives the past 3 weeks. For instance, we found an apartment complex with one two-bedroom apartment open, and we applied for it and made a down payment and moved in, all within one week. That is INSANE!

I also had the chance to lead worship at The Well this week, playing worship music with a bunch of people I almost never play with. It is just amazing to me how God has made people so talented that we can gather together, some of us having never met, and glorify God together so creatively and passionately. It is hard to say that there is no God when we can come together like that and lead people in worship of their Creator with so little effort.

It was also great to hear the message from David Nishizaki today. I grew up looking up to David as he was a leader in our youth ministry, but not really knowing him. Now that he and I are both up in Redding, I have had the privilege to lead worship with him a few times. He did a great job of preaching today as he brought some new insight into the story of the Prodigal/Lost Son. He was basically saying that we have mis-named the character in the story that was really Prodigal. Prodigal means to be wreckless, extravagant, even wasteful. He did agree that the younger son was exactly that, but even more, the Father was more Prodigal than his son. He said that the Father’s actions seemed almost inappropriate because of the way his son had treated him. The son basically told the Father that he wished he were dead when he asked for his share of the inheritance, yet the Father gave it to him anyways. The Father then runs towards his son (when a rich or highly esteemed Jewish man was running, he was losing his dignity) awkwardly (he’s running in sandals and a robe) and throws himself upon his son and forgives him, and then lavishes gifts upon him and celebrates his return. This son did not deserve this and wished only to work as a servant. The Father even goes so far as to offer the same party to the older brother who is jealous and spites his younger brother’s return. David said that these actions seem inappropriate to him, and they do to me as well. What Father in their right mind would forgive their son of wishing death upon him, taking his money and spoiling it on evil things, by lavishing gifts upon him and celebrating his return? It seems totally inappropriate. However, the only reason why it seems inappropriate is because we have experienced imperfect love from imperfect examples of a father. To us, the Father’s actions seem inappropriate, but they are driven, in fact, by true love. It is only the perfect and true love that drives the Father to do these prodigal acts. Instead of spending his money, he spends himself and his dignity to love his sons.

Our Father in heaven is exactly like this. When we fall into sin and come back to him, he forgives us and lavishly pours out his love on us. He offers us gifts of love and of grace and of righteousness, even when we spit in his face. This is such a great love that is almost inexplainable and hard to understand. We can turn our backs on God a million times, and he will still be there, waiting for us to run back into his arms. It is hard to grapple with how much grace and forgiveness God has for us, or even why he loves us so much. The thing is, most of the time, we try to earn this love from him. Our reaction is like the lost son. We want to serve him and DO things to try to earn this love, but God doesn’t care about those things. He would love us even if we didn’t do those things. This is the grace that He has for us. That we can accept His free gift of love, and love Him back. We do not love in order to be loved, but because He has already loved us, and given His life for us. It is through this abiding in love that the life of Christ flows and fruit is abundant. Life is fully lived the way that it was supposed to: free from the power of sin and enslavement, and in the power of love and grace, glorifying God.

This is the life that I desire. I desire that the love that I have received from God would flow out of me and I would be able to see fruit. That I would walk in love and power. That I would walk not under the law, but under grace, free from the power of sin. That through me, many people would experience the life that Christ has called them to and that they would experience it abundantly. That I would be an example of Christ to all that I encounter. That Christ’s love would flow through me. Sometimes, this life seems so far off, but I know that God has me in His hands and that He is still shaping me and molding me into the man He wants me to be.

Isn’t it great to know that you are a beloved son/daughter of the King, and He has you and your whole world in His hands?